I experienced great loneliness the year before I met my wife
Heidi. Many of my friends seemed to be
leaving me behind as they married and began to have children. At the time, I had great success with being
friendly with women, not so much success with engaging in meaningful
relationships with men, and little to no success with romantic pursuits. I was lonely!
Many of my dreams and pursuits for love and fulfillment
centered around romance. I often
thought, “If I could only meet ‘The One’, my life would be better.” I had no idea how my expectations far surpassed what another could
provide for me. I also had no idea how much God was willing to provide.
I met Heidi on a summer assignment, when I was on staff with
Campus Crusade. It was a summer of
love. I had met my TPF (The Perfect
Fit), and I was expected that my deep and lasting experience of loneliness and
need was getting ready to get booted out of my life. Yes, I expected this spunky and fun-loving
woman to so intently care for me that most if not all of my needs would be met. I had internalized an expectation that she not only wanted to, but could meet my needs for love.
Thankfully, along the way, I have begun to more fully understand that though my
wife is a kind, considerate, and selfless woman, she was not created with the
resources needed to fulfill all of my needs for relationship and love.
In our relationships we need to confront that we cannot experience lasting fulfillment from the care of another. We all have limitations, and are surrounded
by others with needs and limitations.
So, we are invited by God to trust him with our needs and to serve each other and care for each other as we are able.
When our unmet needs for love are exposed, we experience loneliness. During these moments we can choose to
open ourselves vulnerably to God and surrender to his love, or not. There might be times when you can speak for hours with God, and some times when you might sit unable to eek out a single
syllable. However, in either moment, sit before God and expose yourself to him, making yourself vulnerable to his loving care, attention, and provision. There will be moments when he will give you amazing experiences of comfort. There will also be times when he will remain seemingly silent. Yet, in all of this know God is always present with you, working to bring about good for you, cultivating his life and love within you. Remember, God's provision of love corresponds with your need for love.
Sincerely,
Bill
What’s my next step?
We encourage you to
consider engaging in the following as a way of handing off faith in your
family.
Talk about a submissive life: Loneliness is an experience that we all
have. This week, talk with your family
about moments when you have felt lonely, or moments when you have tried to get
others to meet your needs. This week
consider reading Psalm 16 at a daily family experience (meal, bedtime,
etc.). Talk about what it might look
like to take refuge in God. As a family,
consider what God has provided you this week and thank God for these. Conclude your discussions with times of
family prayer, asking for the mind of Christ and the grace to live his
submissive life.
We encourage you to
consider engaging in the following as a way of deepening your own faith.
Memorize and meditate upon Psalm 16: Many of our marriage difficulties come from
the expectation that our spouse is able, and should, meet all of our needs.
This week consider spending some time memorizing and meditating upon Psalm 16.
Spend some time thinking about your own personal needs and how you are
attempting to meet them. Chat with God about what, if anything, keeps you from
approaching him rather than others for the meeting of your needs. Ask him for
the grace to hide in him for the provision of your needs.
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